Communicating During Our New Normal - Befriending Anger
Befriending Anger
Ok. Maybe we don’t want to befriend this unannounced visitor that keeps dropping by, again and again. But I’ll bet you want to understand it and learn how to better control it. I know I did.
Anger is one of the most powerful emotions, and one of the most difficult to deal with. When we get angry, we usually know that our buttons got pushed, but we rarely stop to figure out why.
There’s widespread agreement that expressing anger is much healthier than suppressing it. However, giving free rein to anger has its dangers – both physically and emotionally.
In the Brilliant Leader Program, one of the key elements we address is understanding the natural progression of anger, or as the Color Code Personality Theory refers to it, the Anger Cycle.
Here’s a quick overview of the Anger Cycle.
There's an event or situation that occurs. This is called a “Trigger Event”. The trigger event puts the anger cycle in motion. It could be something simple like your child spills juice on the rug or it could be more complex, like your co-worker lies about completing a critical task.
After we identify the trigger event, we move to the next step, the Impact. In this step we quickly determine how much the event impacts or costs us. In the case of the spilled juice, it can mean time to clean it up and maybe the cost to replace the rug. If it’s the lying co-worker, this could touch us in a myriad of ways including our ability to get our own work done.
Once we’ve identified the impact or cost, we reach the critical point in the Anger Cycle, the Power Check. During the power check we decide if we’re powerfulenough to do something about it or if we are powerless and can do little to nothing.
If you decide that you are powerful you either move on quickly with the resolution or you walk away because the impact to you isn't significant.
However, if you determine that you are powerless to resolve the issue or the cost of the event impacts you greatly, Anger comes calling.
How well we handle our new, uninvited friend Anger all boils down to understanding ourselves and what makes us tick.
To help you better understand how each color’s personality naturally reacts to anger, we’ve taken brief excerpts from the Brilliant Leader Program’s bonus module, The Anger Cycle.
Reds continue to work their way around the anger cycle until they come up with a way to resolve the issue and then they move on. The negative side is that Reds can have an initial explosive reaction therefore being aware this could happen is critical to maintaining control.
Blues tend to go back to the trigger event and think things through again and again. Sometimes they resolve the issue and move on. Other times they continue to dwell on the event even after the issue is resolved. The key to a Blue’s success is their willingness and ability to let go emotionally and to move on.
Whites prefer to let things go. They simply want to drop the issue in order to keep the peace. While they rarely forget the issue or the people involved, they just don’t want to take the time or effort to work through it again. It’s important that Whites remember stepping outside their comfort zone to resolve an issue is critical to their ability to maintain healthy relationships.
Yellows recognize that not every issue is worth fighting over and they’ve learned to simply ignore the event. Unfortunately, rather than staying around to resolve the issue, Yellows tend to abandon ship when things get too hot. While finding the courage to address unpleasant issues is a challenge for a Yellow, it is necessary they do so in order to ensure their emotional growth
As you see, Anger has a cycle. But with your new understanding the evolution of the cycle can be controlled and broken before it causes damage.
Knowing what makes you tick and how you will react when your new friend “Anger” comes calling, gives you the amazing ability to successfully navigate through it. So whatever lemons your new friend throws you way, serve it lemonade and be assured that you have the strength within you to deal with it.
To learn more about yourself and your natural strengths, visit us at http://www.brilliantleaderprogram.com to take your FREE Color Code Personality Assessment.
Author’s content used under license, © 2008 Claire Communication